Haunted by the past
by Bluey 123
Summary: The past is a hard thing to overcome and our special agents will work hard to deal with their pasts. Action, twists and turns are sure to come along for the ride, as well as some Tiva angst! enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

_I know it's been FOREVER... trying really hard to get back into the writing spirit now that I have a little time off. But I'm going to need your help. I know I've started a few stories before and not finished them and I was going to write at least half this story before posting any of it, but do I still have any followers that are prepared to read it? REVIEW AND LET ME KNOW... I need motivation, and your kind words always do the trick! Chapter 1 is short,,, as is chapter 2 (yep, already writing, haven't got much further then there) but thats more for the dramatics, I do try to make my chapters longer... but I'm also easing myself back into this._

_Hope you enjoy chapter 1!_

**Chapter 1**

"You were once a great person, destined for places of power and prestige. The people who knew you, feared you, and the people who didn't, had even greater reason to fear you. But now... if only they could see you now, poor, dishevelled Ziva David. Who would have thought that you were once one of Mossad's leading assassins." Covered in dirt and sores, Ziva could hardly lift her head. It had been months since she's been properly nourished with food and water. Her eyes took a few minutes to adjust as the hessian bag was pulled off her head. What little light there was seared into her retinas. She had said it herself, every person had their breaking point when enduring torture techniques. She could feel that hers had broken, she had nothing else to give.

Alone. Truly alone for the first time in her life. She saw no way out and no one would be coming for her, not after what she did. Every second she was closer to tears, for what she'd miss, who she'd miss, realising the mistakes she'd made and that you don't always get the opportunity to make them right. "You have an interesting history. The things that you have gone through, even before you turned 21, it's no wonder you turned into a brutal, heartless killer. How many lives of innocent people did you destroy? How many fathers didn't go home after you had encounter them? How many woman did you make beg for mercy? Was it all in pay back? Pay back for what you had lost? So much loss in your young life, everyone abandoned you with death, you couldn't cope with everyone you loved being ripped away from you, you couldn't control death could you, it came and took all that was precious from you... but then you found a way didn't you. You became death, taking lives at your will." The cruel, deep voice paused. "Did it ever bring them back to you? Tali, Axella, Arie, your Muslim best friend growing up? They are all still dead. You couldn't protect them, you couldn't stop it, and now you will join them."

Ziva felt the chill of the silver blade that would take her from everything. She held her breath terrified that the slightest movement would lead to her death as the blade slithered down her neck, it stopped, laid across the length of her neck. Her eyes grew large as the pain increased the intense agony...

"NO! Saleem!" she cried out as it jolted her from her sleep. She looked around, she had fallen asleep at her desk, it had been a hard case and she had wanted to get her paperwork done. She felt her stomach drop as she realised that Tony had done the same thing, she quickly spied at his desk, glad that he wasn't there, she was alone. She had been having these dreams for months now, stuck in the past, that hide out, the anguish, desperation and helplessness felt as vivid now as it had back then. In her dreams Tony never showed, neither had McGee, the ending was always the same, with her being woken just before witnessing her own death. These dreams terrified her, she dared not expose that weakness to anyone. She tried to shake her fear wiping her face dry from the few tears that had escaped her grasp.

_review review review. Remember, I love twists and turns! and I'm gearing up for lots of stories that follow each other. Faster you guys review, the faster I'll post chapter 2!_

_GREAT TO BE BACK!_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thanks for the couple of reviews I've got! And thanks also to the number of you that signed up for alerts when I post my next chapter. _

**Chapter 2**

"Dam vending machine! Why do you always foil me? I ask for D4 and you give me A3... why? Why I ask?" Tony thumped the inanimate object in an attempt to make himself feel better for the machines defiance. "Stupid... I knew I should have woken her up and ordered in Chinese. See DiNozzo, this is what you get for being nice... A3... Not only that, you also get a brand new form of insanity, talking to yourself and a machine... you know, I should probably stop that." He moved to the coffee machine and pressed the buttons to get a fully caffeinated coffee, he'd need it if he was going to be able to lure it over Ziva tomorrow that he had finished his work and she had fallen asleep. He sat at one of the tables in the break room pontificating over the perfect one-liner he could use when she did finally wake up. Calling her 'lazy bones' just didn't seem to cut it, besides she'd probably take it literally and think he was telling her to drink more milk or something crazy. Seriously how long would it take her to understand the English language? How long would it take him to understand her? All his life he'd prided himself as knowing women, if nothing else, he knew what they wanted, what they wanted to hear, what they liked in other departments. But Ziva? She was different. Different to all the other women he'd ever met and different from when he first met her. Her abrasive nature had been a little to confronting back then, and he was used to confronting, Kate had never succumbed to his whim, not that he would ever have gone there, Rule 12.

He took a sip of his coffee and his face scrunched up at the thought of 'that' being passed off as coffee but knew he'd have to endure it if he had any chance at finishing his paperwork. He stood up and walked back towards the bullpen. "That would be right, still asleep," he scoffed.

With no one in the squad room at that hour of the morning it was easy to see her head resting on her arms the way he'd left her half an hour ago, as soon as he turned the corner into the room. Granted, he could only see the back of her, but he was sure she was still asleep. He paused for just a moment and slightly regretted the fact that he wasn't asleep to, he hesitated to go closer incase he woke her, she looked so peaceful. As he took a few steps forward, his eyes not moving from her form, he witnessed her suddenly snap to life, "NO! Saleem!" he heard her cry out.

"Saleem?" he whispered to himself. She glanced across checking all her team's desks to make sure no one was there and as she did he caught a glimpse of the glistening sweat beads on her forehead. This wasn't what he'd expected, not that he'd ever really thought about what Ziva dreamt of, well, only once, the night in Paris as he watched her sleep... but if he were to think about it, he would never have guessed that Ziva David had nightmares. What could she dream of that she would be afraid of? What could she dream of that wouldn't be afraid of her? But it made sense, if there was one thing, it would be Saleem. He had taken her to her breaking point. Tony knew he'd never forget the way she looked, the hopelessness in her eyes her pleading for it to end, even if it meant the end was death. Saleem only need show Tony that to have tortured him. But she had said nothing. No one knew it was still affecting her. He wondered if this was new, a once off, or if this was the reason she'd been turning up to work with her hair unstraightened and her face not as neatly made up as she had done before she went back to Israel. Not that he had thought about it, but if he had he probably would have assumed the change in her appearance was just that she no longer needed to keep up a pretext of trying to assimilate, to work her way closer into the term for Mossad, or maybe it was because after loosing Michael and being betrayed by him she was scared to have a man care about her in that way again. But this made more sense, and Tony could have kicked himself for not realising it sooner.

He watched as her hands wiped her face in an attempt to clear away tears. He knew that this was defiantly not the time for his maticulously planned out 'lazy bones' comment. When he knew he wasn't going to be seen, he backed up and returned to the break room. He sat there for a few minutes, his mind whirling with this revelation, and more so with how he could help her. He became a law enforcer to help people, more then anything he hated to see a damsel in distress, it was too painful for him, and he knew from experience that is was that much harder when it was someone he loved, maybe that's why he'd never really formed an attachment with anyone before, he didn't want to live through that pain again, of seeing someone he cared about so much be so vulnerable and terrified.

He walked back over to the coffee machine and bought a second drink, then back to his arch nemesis and again pressed D4, this time getting the candy bar he'd originally desired. Now armed with 2 candies and 2 hot beverages he moved back to the squad room. He peered around the corner before he entered. He'd given her enough time. She had cleaned herself up and, typically, ploughed head strong back into her work to try and forget the nasty feelings she's been forced to endure. "Tea?" he said as he placed it in front of her, putting his D4 next to it.

"I thought you had gone home." She said surprised to see him there.

"Nah, you know me, slacking off, taking a break. Been catching up on my gossip with one of those trashy magazines in the break room... and you know, I just can't believe that Jen and Brad split up, I mean, who saw that coming? Poor thing must be just devastated. Hey, do you recon I have a chance? I could go console her!"

"I'm quite positive that what she needs right now is not you... considering that happened years ago Tony, someone really should update those magazines." She paused "Thank you for my tea." He turned and walked back to his desk, sat down and pretending to focus on the screen.

"You're welcome Ziva, you know I've got your back."

_Trust me... Chapter 3 is longer and I'm starting to get my ideas flowing! so keep the reviews coming and I'll keep typing!_


	3. Chapter 3

_Enjoy this chapter, it's starting to get interesting... or I think so at least!_

**Chapter 3**

Weeks later the team was on yet another case. Local LEOs had been called out to a home where the resident had been dead. Upon realising the victim was a marine lieutenant, they were all too happy to pass the case to NCIS as their paperwork was racking up and they couldn't deal with the load.  
Tony was watching Ziva closely these days. The rings under her eyes were darker and more defined, and she hardly tried to conceal them. Her hair showed no effort and she was back to cargo pants and a plain sweater. She had, of course pulled her hair back so that her locks didn't contaminate the crime scene and thrown a cap over it all even looking like that, Tony admired her but he still wanted to protect her. But how do you protect someone from something you can't fight, you can't shoot or can't put behind bars. Worse of all, something you're not meant to know about. He thought he'd managed to help her run away from all this. He had killed Saleem, or at least Gibbs had, but he had dragged her almost lifeless body from that hell. He'd risked his own life to seek revenge for a women he'd thought was dead and was rewarded with her face and eventually her smiling back at him. But her mind and her fears were something he couldn't help her run away from.

She took measurements while he watched her through the viewfinder of his camera. He must have taken a hundred photos but he never really looked too closely at the lieutenant's body that lay on his living room floor, dead, or his surroundings. Neither did he pay much attention to Ducky or anyone else from the team as they verbally constructed theories about what could have happened to have lead to the lieutenant's demise. All he really wanted to do was hold her, hold her as she slept and keep her safe from her own thoughts.

"DiNozzo." He heard in the distance, it wasn't loud enough to draw him from his thoughts. "DiNozzo." Gibbs bellowed, this time with enough gruff in his voice that he was shaken from his delusions.

"Yeah Boss?" he darted into action.

"I think you've got enough photos don't you?"

Tony looked down at the display pannel on the screen. 236 photos taken, 'wow that is a lot' he thought to himself.

"Arh... Yeah Boss," he stammered as he wondered how he'd taken that many photos while still being entranced by this problems.

"So are you coming then? Ziva's driving." He had been so dazed he hadn't noticed that the body had been cleared and all the team had left the house. He was a little concerened that he'd been so ablivious to Ziva leaving the room. But how he wasn't just frightened for Ziva, now, he'd be frightened of Ziva. Her driving may have improved since becoming an American, but she still wasn't driving like an American!

The silver elevator doors slid open as Tony, Ziva and Gibbs all stepped out and headed towards Abby's lab. "What-cha got Abs?" Gibbs asked in his usual manner.

"Ok, so I've been tox screening our lieutenant's blood and Major Mas-pec found an anomaly in his blood. I mean I can tell that he had had a drink, something with rum, but there was something else. It's similar to the toxins you might find in someone who has been bitten by a black widow spider, but no quite and in MUCH larger quantities. I'm searching the data base now to try and find a match for the poison."

"As that what killed him Abby?" Ziva asked curiously.

"While I can't be sure of that till I find out exactly what the toxin is, or how long it would have taken to work," she paused, "I'd say yeah maybe. If not, it definatly would have played a pretty large part in his death. Was it what killed him? Well at this point that's really more the Duckman's department."

"Thanks Abs." Gibbs said as he set a caff-pow on Abby's desk. A cheerful and grateful smile spread across the forensic scientists face.

"No, no Gibbs, thank you!" she muttered as she took a large drink from her favourite on the job beverage.

"Arh Jethro. I'm afraid that I haven't much to report at this point."

"From the look of the bruising on the wrists, I'd say that he'd been bound Duckster"

"And you would be right Tony, the killer was careful to remove the whatever it was that they had used to keep the Lietenant bound,

"It wasn't just rope then?" Ziva inquired. Tony notices as she rubbed her wrist while she asked her question, as if remembering being bound herself by that bastard.

"No. The markings would be very different had it have been rope or wire, it's my suspicion that it was something smooth, it wouldn't have made a mark if it weren't for the lieutenants attempts to free himself. I did however find fibres still on the skin, they're down with Abby now. Curiously it's these markings that are really puzzling me." The M.E. handed Gibbs, Ziva and Tony magnifying glasses and pointed to the area he was discussing. "It looks as though this was the first wound, but it is so small and only went in around 9 cm. It doesn't seem likely that it would have been a knife, and it missed most of the major organs but if you look at the wound around it this swollen redness around the wound would indicate that there was something on the weapon and that is what may have caused the problem."

"Gibbs, Gibbs." Abby called as she strode quickly into the room. "I was right, the toxin in his body was similar to that of the Black widow. That's because it came from the Red Back Spider."

"The what?" Gibbs asked looking for clarification.

"The redback spider. It's like a cousin of the Black Widow, but it lives in Australia. A single bite from a female can cause death within a couple of hours if it's big enough, and this guy had enough in him to take down an elephant. Well maybe not an elephant because a spider's fangs wouldn't be able to get through an elephant's think hide, but something big anyway. Redback spiders produce a syndrome called latrodectism it causes severe localized sweating and pain really quickly, once it's in the blood system and pumping around your body you feel nausea, start vomiting, abdominal or chest pain, generalized sweating, headache, fever, hypertension and tremor. Rare complications include seizure, coma, pulmonary edema, respiratory failure or localized skin infection even paralysis. The killer dipped his weapon into the poison and stabbed him with it. Would have been a really painful way to go out. Depending on his intital dose, he could have been alive and in pain for a while. Pretty cunning ha. Oh and the fibres Ducky pulled of the victim are silk. Fine silk, what type of killer uses expensive silk when killing?"

"The kind that wears a neckerchief." Tony muttered under his breath.

"I think you mean handkerchief." Ziva boasted feeling a little vindicated that she was correcting his English for once.

"What?" he replied snakily as he came out of his trance like state. "No not a handkerchief, a neckerchief. Like that thing Fred wore when he was riding round in The Mystery Machine."

"What is this Mystery Machine?" Ziva questioned.

"Oh I used to love Scooby Doo!" Abby interjected, "no surprise Velma was always my favourite!"

"Yes, well never the less," Ducky interrupted seeing the look on Gibbs' face as his patience wore thin, "these protrusions are still leaving me cold as to what would make a puncture like this."

Tony was finally keying into the case, he studied the body more carefully.

"But what could have made a whole like that?" Ziva enquired.

"Well the puncture mark isn't consistent with a needle." Palmer informed the group.

"Maybe a cake skewer?" Ziva suggested.

"No, the entry point indicates that it was too sharp to be a skewer." Ducky replied, baffled by the problem in front of them.

Tony stood, rooted to the ground, a complex look swept across his face, one that the team had never seen before, it was a mixture of realisation, dread and heartache, but to them it just spelt trouble.

"DiNozzo?" Ziva asked trying to gage his current state better. "Tony? What is going on?"

He didn't reply, he didn't respond, For the first time since seeing her wake up that night, he wasn't thinking about her, he wasn't concerned about her welfare. "I gotta go." He said sternly as he exited the cold steely room, devastation written all over his face.

_What's up with Tony? Who really knows? oh thats right... ME! and you could know too if I update soon... LOVE THOSE REVIEWS... make me write fast HINT HINT!_


	4. Chapter 4

**_Sorry! you can thank my bad back for this chapter, finally I've been able to stop and rest for a little while so was able to get some writing done!_**  
_**ENJOY**!_

Chapter 4

"What was that about?" Abby asked caringly. Everyone looked at Gibbs for answers. He just made a confused face and shrugged his shoulders.

Ziva could tell that something wasn't right, and she felt deeply troubled by the look on Tony's face which was now emblazoned on her brain. The team had started talking, but she had no idea what about. Without warning she darted from the room. "Ziva? Ziva" chorused the team left behind her. She sped towards the elevator but she was too late the doors had just closed with Tony inside. She repeatedly slammed her fist against the button to try and open the doors. She watched the display panel above the doors. It had left the floor. She watched as the numbers changed till they stopped. He was in the squad room. It didn't take long for the lift to return, but it seemed like a whole lot longer.

When she arrived in the squad room, he hadn't even sat down at his desk. He was looking at his screen, his impatience growing. Ziva moved into the bullpen and leaned against her desk watching him. "Not again," he belted out, fiery rage in his eyes and with that he was off again, he grabbed his coat, badge and geared up to head out. He started to walk towards the elevator. The second he had passed her, Ziva slid behind his desk. He was looking at photos of the crime scene. The one on the screen was of the table near where the body was found. On the table was a laptop, and manila file opened with its contents spread out across the table, two tall glasses one completely empty whilet the other was still still half full with a silver swizzle stick in it, a mobile phone and a photo of the lieutenant with a young boy with blond hair.

Ziva couldn't make the connection, what was he looking at? What had he seen to make him react like that? Hearing the elevator 'ping' she grabbed her gear and hastily made her way to the lift, sliding in sideways as the doors closed behind her.

"I want it found and opened. This is important." She heard him say as she stepped in. She casually stood next to him and glanced at the buttons on the wall expecting to see the level with Ducky's examination room light up, surely he was going to take new information that might be of help to Gibbs and the rest of the team. But it was the garage that Tony had requested. "Well you better unloose it!" he roared "When I get there that file WILL be waiting for me. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?" Ziva was stunned. He was furious. What would make him act like this?

With another 'ping' the doors opened again and he stepped out into the garage. "Just make sure you do," he hollered and with that he abruptly ended the phone call.

"Whats going on Tony?" Ziva asked, concerned for her partner.

"I've got a hunch."

"Would you care to share it with me?"

"No." And with that he opened the door and got in his car. Not satisfied with that response and her concern for her partner growing, she opened the door and sat in the passenger seat.

"What do you think you are doing?" rage evident in his eyes.

"Am I not your partner?"

"Not for long if you don't get out of this car!"

"You said you had a hunch, I will come with you."

"Get out Ziva."

"Not unless you tell me what is going on."

"You know, normally I'd find your defiance cute and just go along with it, but today I'm going to just tell you nicely... Get out."

"What is going..."

"GET THE HELL OUT OF MY CAR."

She stared at him for a few seconds trying to gage his thoughts and feeling. She could see and respect his need for isolation. She didn't like it, but he'd never looked at her like that before. Begrudgingly she opened the door, she put one foot on the ground, her hands were on the seat either side of her thighs ready to leaver herself up, she paused and turn back to him and very quietly uttered the words, "When you are ready, I will have your back." Expecting him to pull away from her, she put her hand on top of his hand that was resting on the park brake. To her surprise he didn't. He closed his eyes, it was as if for a second that solitary touch had taken his pain away, he could breathe again. Not wanting to push the issue and incur his furry again, she slid her hand away from him and exited the car. She stood watching as the car as it sped off unsure if she'd done the right thing by letting him drive off so enraged.

**_READ AND REVIEW... you know the deal!_**


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The rest of the day past slowly. Ziva was haunted by Tony's hurt and was confused by his anger. She knew it wasn't directed at her, but rarely did DiNozzo ever get terse about anything. Ziva often admired him for his level-headedness and ability to stay cool and calm in tense situations. She'd seen him threatened and provoked and while she would have wanted to rip out their throats, he never did. She had been tasked with looking into the papers that were on the victims table with McGee. There didn't seem to be anything that would indicate that the lieutenant was involved with secret operations or privy to confidential information. He came from wealth but the worst thing they could find from his past was a couple of speeding tickets. They interviewed his superiors, friends, colleagues and ex-wife, but no one held a grudge or showed a hint of ill feelings towards him.

The next day, Ziva was in early, eager to see Tony and make sure he was alright. She hadn't slept well and as a result she was trying to down a coffee instead of her relaxing tea. She walked into the bull pen, with 4 coffees. She placed one on Tony's desk, then McGee's and finally Gibbs' before she headed to her own desk and started up her computer. No one was in the bullpen yet, so she set about checking her emails and continuing her investigation into the case. Moments later Gibbs walked down the stairs from MTAC, and at 9 McGee turned up. 9:30 came. 10:00 went. The day past slowly and still no leads or breakthroughs. Abby had ascertained that the lieutenant was bound by a neckerchief just like Tony had said. The killer had been sloppy. The fibres were old and worn and had traces of DNA in the form of perspiration. All they needed now was a suspect and they would be able to confirm their guilt or not. The only problem with that was that there was DNA from three different people. Two were clearly male and one female. Abby had confirmed that one of them was the lieutenants and assumed that they were wrong and that the killer had had an accomplice. But Tony had never come in.

As Ziva drove home she reflected on her mixed emotions about her partner during the day. It had started with concern but had alternated during the day to fear, understanding but now it was anger. Why couldn't he have told her something about all this? Why had he not come in today? How inconsiderate could he really be to dump them with all the work and not even explain what was going on? She was fuming and before she knew it, the car park she was pulling into wasn't one outside her building, it was one outside his. She stormed up the stairs, hoping to burn off some energy and frustration. She stood there, frozen to the spot, staring at his white door. She belted her knuckles against the wood. She stood there, swapping her weight between her right and left foot as she contemplated what she would yell at him about first. For being inconsiderate of his team mates, for not coming into work, for not helping them with the case or possibly knowing something that could help them and not sharing it. The door opened "What do you want?" he said in a husky voice. He was still wearing the same clothes he'd worn when he sped out of the garage yesterday, only his shirt was untucked and another button around the collar had been undone. He wasn't wearing his tie anymore and his hair was defiantly not in its usual 'styled to perfection' style.

"It is nice to see you too Tony."

"I don't have time for this." He said as he turned away from her and headed back into his apartment leaving the door slightly ajar. Ziva followed him in, closed the door quietly behind her and stopped in his living room looking around there were a few drinks strewn around the room, but the thing that was more disturbing was the paper work that covered his dining room table, his coffee table the couch and even part of the floor.

"I see you have been redecorating." Ziva prodded.

"What do you want Ze-VaH?" he spat out snakily.

"I want to know what is going on?" she sidled over to the table where an archives box sat next to an open case file, she started to close it but before she could see the label Tony entered from the kitchen behind her, and moved the box away from her. "You are working on a case?"

"Is that a question or a statement?"

"I guess that would be a statement... But here is a question, what case are you working on?" Ziva watched as he walked across the room in front of her. He didn't answer her question, she watch as his face tightened with tension. he moved towards the cabinet this was something Ziva had seen many times before, she knew what he was heading to. He opened the door a pulled out an unopened bottle of vermouth, a dusty bottle of gin and continued to pour some of each into a silver cocktail shaker he'd carried from the kitchen and from the condensation forming on the surface, there was clearly ice inside as well. It was unusual, Ziva was used to her partner downing a beer and occasionally having a shot of various spirits served on the rocks, but mixing drinks wasn't exactly his forte. He poured the clear liquid into two martini glasses, reached into the cupboard and pulled out a jar of olives and a tumbler full of glass swizzle sticks. He skewered 2 olives which appeared difficult with the bluntness of the glass, and placed them in one drink before doing the same to complete the other glass.

"Why are we drinking?" Ziva enquired.

"Why does anyone drink Ziv-ah? I mean, we know it's bad for us with the killing of the brain cells and the rage that often follows. People drink to make their dates look better, to make their problems slip away, they drink to feel something, they drink to feel nothing at all, they drink to celebrate or they drink to commiserate, they drink to forget and they drink so they have courage. Oh so many reasons to drink."

"Why are WE drinking this concoction?" she added emphasis on 'we,' pointing to him and then herself.

"Concoction? Concoction? This might not be your trademark Mohito Ziva Da-Veed, this is a classic. This is a martini. Came very much into fashion in the 70s."

"You are avoiding my question."

"of course you do have to admit, Shaken, not stirred," he said applying his famous Bond English accent. "you have to admit, it tastes better that way." He took a sip then took the swizzle stick and tapped it on the side of the glass twice. Small droplets of martini splashed back into the glass and he pried one of the olives off with his teeth before dropping the one remaining olive, still attacked to the swizzle stick back into the drink.

"Tony, whose case is this?"

"Mine."

It took all her strength not to scream at him, shake him till he answered her questions sensibly. She knew he wasn't drunk. It was his first drink, so why was he acting like this? "Do not be canary."

"I think you mean contrary."

"Whatever I meant to have said is not what is important here. Whose case is this that you are working on? It is not the case that your team has been working on... if it was you would have been at work today helping us."

"It's mine." The joking tone turned serious, with just a hint of displeasure.

"What are you talking about?"

"Go ahead, take a look, you've been dying too ever since you saw it."

Ziva turned the old tatty box around and in big writing on the side the word, emblazoned on the cardboard, as well as in her head,it stung as it seared it's way through her retinas. 'DiNozzo.'


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

As astounded by what she had read, she continued on expecting to see the name 'Anthony' after the comma that followed the surname. _Junior or senior?_ she wondered, either way it helped her understand part of this strange mood. Through age and staining the first name was illegible. With her dainty fingers she closed the case file that was open on the table. It wasn't an NCIS file but it did have the name DiNozzo written on it. Surprise swept across her face... 'Elizabeth' who was Elizabeth? And what concern was Elizabeth to her DiNozzo? More importantly why did she have an evidence box and case file dedicated to her?

"My mother." He said as he downed the last of his drink.

"Your mother?" Ziva replied flabbergasted.

"The one and only."

"But I thought that she was d..."

"murdered actually."

Ziva couldn't believe this. She knew a little bit about Tony's father and knew his mother was dead, but past that she knew nothing about her. "Why didn't I know this? Did Gibbs?"

"I don't like to talk about it, and as for Gibbs, who knows what he does or doesn't know."

"Tony, I thought your mother died when you were 8."

"That's right!"

"so why are you looking into this now?"

"You know, her killer was never found? Police at the time couldn't connect all the dots so to speak. I mean they didn't have an Abby with a Labby back then did they?" He laughed a little, the way he did when he wanted to make light of an issue and mask his true emotions.

"Tony." Ziva interjected sympathetically. She moved towards him and sat next to him on the couch placing her hand on his shoulder to show her support and empathy. She wished he wouldn't joke about this, it was something serious and she knew it was just him trying to deflect the pain.

"He came in, my mother wasn't happy about him being there but she invited him into our house. He moved over to the bar and mixed up two martinis. They sat for a while. Who knows what they were saying. It became heated my mother slammed her glass on the table and told him to leave."

"But he did not."

"Nope. He shoved her and she fell to the ground. He climbed on top of her and wrestled her. She had no strength in comparison." While Tony spoke Ziva flicked through the case file scanning for anything that could be important and help explain why this sudden interest. "He had her restrained, but she didn't scream, through the tears in her eyes she mustered a fake smile. He took off his neckerchief and hog tied her. He stood up and walked around her. He picked up his drink he and took a sip. He took out the swizzle stick and, keeping his lips as far away as he could, slid the olives off one by one with his teeth. Then he took out some sort of vile from his suit jacket, I'll give him one thing, he was very well dressed with expensive looking leather gloves on. He dipped the stick into the vile and squatted over my mother. He pulled her hair away from her neck and ran the zip down her back exposing her soft, perfectly pail, English skin." He paused a second. He had never wanted to forget his mother, every small detail was important to him, after all, she was the only person who he felt had ever truely loved him. "He ran the stick across her back, it only just touched her skin. It wasn't long after that that she stopped struggling. She lay there, she was still alive, but it was like she was paralysed. He kept talking to her and she'd try to answer with blinks and moans. Finally he put her out of her misery. He dipped the swizzle stick back into the vile. He hovered over her again, whispered something into her ear. Her eyes welled up and then they were screaming, the fear was so strong in them. He rolled her over and stabbed the sharp point of the silver swizzle stick into her chest."

Ziva continued to look closely at the file, flicking back and forth throughout the pages confused. "Tony nothing in here is what you have said, infact it would seem to me that the police couldn't work anything out, they had no leads what so ever."

"Well Yeah, I said that."

"But Tony, how did you know all this then? Tony where you there?"

"My mother was teaching me how to play chop-sticks on our piano. She played the piano beautifully, Clare De Lune and Beethoven's Fur Elise were my favourites. I was sitting on her lap, we would laugh and she'd kiss me on the back on my head, you know, the way a mother does when she's proud of you? Her arms wrapped around me, I always felt safe there. She heard a car door slam outside, we assumed it was Anthony DiNozzo Senior. Mum lifted me up put me back on the chair and I continued to play without her help. Before I knew it she came running back to me and told me to hide in the hall closet and no matter what happened I wasn't to move. She made me promise. I nodded. I remember her saying to me 'you're a good boy junior, I love you,' she kept a smile on her face, as well as eye contact until the door was completely shut the only light came from the crack at the base of the door frame. I was startled by the thundering belts on the front door. I could hear her high heels as they hastened over to the door, I sat behind the coats and took out a matchbox Ferrari I had in my pocket and started driving it over all mounds of fabric that were wrapped around me, pretending they were obstacles on a dirt road. Seconds later the door opened, a man, definatly not my father, stood there his faced turned as he spoke to my mother. He hooked his coat on the back of the door. As he walked off he pushed the door shut but not hard enough. The door was left ajar. I watched through the crack. I saw him take a swizzle stick out of his inner pocket and skewered the olives with it. It wasn't like the one he took from behind the bar, when he skewered olives with ours it was clearly difficult to catch those slippery little suckers, but this one pierced the olives so quickly and easily. I remember wondering why you'd need such a sharp stick." It concerned Ziva that is seemed more like a story, and that Tony was clearly trying to fight back any sort of emotion connected to his memory. Such a monsterous event in his life, and he was still being 'Tony'. "You know why she didn't scream? because when he had her on the floor she caught a glimpse of me watching her. I was crying and she smiled to tell me it was all alright. Anyway, he did what he did, he knelt over her and whispered something in her ear, untied her before rolling her over and stabbing her through the chest. I remember wondering how something so small could do so much damage, I didn't realise of course that this jerk had some spider venom fettish. So then I saw him move in my direction. I hid further back in the closet and covered my face. The door opened and I thought he'd see me, instead he took the coat and left. I heard the front door close and waited till I heard the car drive off. I ran out of the closet and to my mother's side. She was still alive but gasping for air. I looked into her eyes as she was dying and begged her not to go. I sat there for at least half an hour trying to make her wake up. Pf course when Senior got home he called the police and told me never to say anything, that if I did the man might come after me, so I stayed quiet. Dad told the police that I had been with him and we found her like that when we'd returned home."

Ziva was dumbfounded. Her eyes had welled up while she listened to him spin a web of heartache with his words. She sat and pondered what he'd said unsure how to respond.

**Hope you enjoyed... Review and tell me what you're thinking! **

**Advanced warning... Chapter 7 MAY... or may not... get steamy... for those who don't want to read about 'TIVA' maybe skip next chapter. **


	7. Chapter 7

**after a comment someone posted about chapter 6 being creepy between Tony and his mother, I have slightly changed it. nothing drastic no change to the plot, but if you felt the same, you can go back and re-read. **

**ON TO THE NEW!**

**WARNING... naughty bits ahead, if you're going to be concerned by reading about sex, maybe skip this chapter. **

Chapter 7

They sat in silence for what seemed like a lifetime and contemplated this revelation. Ziva had never suspected this, not in her wildest dreams. The class clown had covered his past so well, even from her. She had found out about everyone's past when she was helping her half brother, but never this, and even after years of knowing him, she would never have guessed that behind the jokes and the confidence there was a frightened little boy begging his mother to come back to him, watching her die and then never telling a soul about what had happened. If she were to think about it, it did in fact make sense. Why his father shifted them around a lot, why he sent him off to boarding school and acted like he didn't exist. It was to protect him from his mother's killer.

"I never told anyone that before," Tony confessed. "I think I'd actually forgotten about it till this case. How could I forget? The one person who loved me no matter what, and I forgot her."

"You hadn't forgotten it, you had repressed it, there is a difference, one is to protect yourself the other is because you don't care or it might have been insignificant. You did not forget." Ziva spoke sternly to him, it was not a suggestion it was a fact. She watched as pools of water welled up in his giant saucer eyes. She felt so helpless, and longed for him to be okay.

"I shouldn't have been so selfish," he returned, his voice didn't quibble, the tears rolled down his face but it was clear he blamed himself and he spoke with such force that Ziva knew he was angry with himself. "I protected myself, but when she needed it I couldn't protect her."

Ziva wrapped her hands around his face, seeing the pain in his eyes she couldn't help but weaken and feel his pain. "You did what you had to do. YOU were JUST a little boy. You did what your mother told you, if you had not, you would probably be dead too."

"What was the point? She believed in me Ziva."

"And she still would. Don't you see, you grew up and you decided to protect everyone else. How many times have you nearly died protecting others? How many times have you rescued people? Woman, children, men...me." Ziva paused she had made a revolation herself here. Though she didn't realise it, tears started to fall from her eyes, he had protected her, he had always tried to keep her safe. Even when it meant destroying everything they had, he protected her by killing Michael. She felt horrible for treating him the way she had. He had done it all to protect her, all because of his trauma. "Tony you have dedicated your life to others, your mother would be so proud of you. You must know that. Tony... I am proud of you."

Tony could hear she was fighting to speak against the lump that was growing in her throat. He looked up at her. Such precious words that he knew had come from her heart, he could see where her tears had run down her face as the dampness still reflected the light. He put his right hand over her left, still on his cheek and pressed his hard against it, his eyes closed as he felt closer to her in this moment then he had to anyone in a very long time. Her other had fallen away and he turned his face. His lips now connected the edge of her hand, he kissed it slowly. He looked at her and moved her hand, with his soft, wet lips he kissed her wrist. He tried to see in her eyes if he was crossing a line, if she would pull away from him, if he could see even a hint of fear or confusion in her eyes he would stop. To his pleasure, there was none, all he could see was peace and longing in her enchanting, brown eyes. He kissed further down her wrist, their faces so close, he moved to her lips. He kissed her slowly and with passion, again checking that she wouldn't change her mind. He kissed her upper lip, and she kissed him back, he couldn't contain himself any longer, he kissed her passionately, his hands gripping the sides of her torso, hers on his shoulders. Her hands followed his collar bone down until she found a button, she pulled it open and continued down his shirt till his chest was exposed, she ran her hands back up his rippling chest. He took the fabric from the base of her sweater and tank top in his strong, manly hands and pulled them above her head at the same time, underneath a black t-shirt bra, it wasn't ordinarily considered the sexiest of lingerie, but on her it was perfect, the way it shaped her breasts made him lust after them. Their lips connecting , the electricity between them, he moved in such a way that her legs were forced to wrap around his torso. He lent forward so she was now lying on her back. he ran his hands down her jaw line, and aross her breasts then stopped and looked at her beauty, he ran his fingers across his uncharted territory, down her neck, across her left breast, down her stomach over her belly button, she was perfect. He kissed her again, the passion increasing each time their lips collided, he brought her back up and picked her up, her legs still around him, their lips still connected, he walked her through to his room. He lay her gently on the bed, he left her for just a second to dim the lights, just enough so he could still see her curves, but that she wouldn't worry about the way she looked, when he came back to her, he stood between her legs, his eyes locked in hers, he unbuttoned her pants and slowly lowered the zipper. He slid the pants off unveiling her silky, smooth legs. He gazed at her intently as he did the same to his pants. Goose bumps formed on her legs as she felt the cool breeze from the open window brushed over her. He ran his warm hands over them and they quickly disappeared, he ran his hands up her body as his lips kissed their way up to hers, he blew cold air over her body, and smirked at her goose bumps, as well as her moan. Her body arched and gyrated under him, her eyes closed and he was please to see the left corner of her lip curled up in a smile. Her movement against his body drove him insane. As her back arched, he reached his right hand around to her back and unclipped her bra. Pulling one strap off at a time, he carefully uncovered her breasts, they were perfect, perky and just the right size, he massaged them in his hands, and circled her nipples with his index fingers then kissed each one, sucking on her right before he moved back up her neck to her lips. The feel of her naked breasts against his chest was intoxicating. His need to have her, so intense. His hands wondered down her body and traced the line of her panties, the black satin under his fingertips, he could feel the heat emanating from her core, his fingers circled the area and he could feel her wetness through the fabric. He slowly puller the undergarment away from her body, he blew cold air over her naked warmth and she moaned with pleasure. He kissed her and she bucked slightly at the surprise. With a firm tongue, he licked her pleasure point then sucked on her citreous. Slowly, but gently he repeated his motion, kiss... lick... suck... kiss... lick... suck. Her hands wrapped around his head and she pulled him up and kissed him she could feel his hard masculinity between her legs, grinding against her. She'd never wanted anything so bad. She raised her knees, and rolled him onto his back with ease. She continued to kiss him as her hands lowered on his body. One gripping his waist, the other delving beneath the waistband on his red boxer briefs, she stroked his man hood, then taking it in her hand she tormented him as she tightened her grip, up and down, before she took his strong, hard cock between her fingertips and massaged it. She removed his briefs and she straddled him. Both naked, vulnerable, she lowered herself down onto him, her tightness convulsing around him, she watched him as she slowly rocked back and forth. Her rhythm increased, she took his hands and applied them to her ass. They moved together in unison, pushing each other. Their eyes and hands explored their bodies and took each other to their peak of pleasure, Ziva screamed as she climaxed and feeling her around him in that moment, seeing the ecstasy on her face, the sweat beads running down her body, he couldn't hold on any longer.

**Hope you enjoyed! Read,,,, review!**


	8. Chapter 8

**I'll admit it, not my best chapter ever. feeling pretty wrecked and uninspired. Trying hard to get some writing down before I head away with work next week. Having difficulty finding the writing spirit again... Hope it's not toooooo bad.**

Chapter 8

Tony rolled over in his bed, he stretched his arm out to wrap it around Ziva, to his surprise she wasn't there. He opened his eyes and glared at the alarm clock that sat on the bed side table on the other side of the bed. 0312. He sat up, reached for some fresh briefs and started out of the room. Still tired and half asleep he stumbled towards the kitchen. He hoped that she hadn't left, he hoped she was just getting a glass of water. The kitchen was lit only by the moon light that floated in through the window. There was no sign of Ziva. Out of the corner of his eye he could see light coming from the living room. He turned the corner, and there, wearing one of his shirts with half the buttons done up, sitting under a small, dim lamp was Ziva reading the case file. "What are you doing?" he asked running his hand through his hair, puzzled.

"I am getting to know this case. There could be something in here that might help us."

"arn't you tired?"

She didn't look at him, she didn't want to lie, but she didn't want to reveal anything that could be used against her, and already she felt vulnerable after what had happened. "No," she replied.

"don't you sleep anymore?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you... you don't seem to sleep anymore... have you slept at all tonight?"

"I wanted to look through your mother's case file. You are right, it has to be the same killer. We're going to catch him."

"Ziva it's like 3 in the morning. You need your sleep... Hell I need my sleep."

"I am not stopping you from sleeping."

"Why won't you just come back to bed?"

"I need to finish reading the case. I will come back shortly."

Tony suspected that what Ziva had said wasn't true at all. She was merely trying to avoid the inevitable bad dreams and knowing her the way he did, he assumed that a big part of that was that she didn't want to have them while she knew he was around. Being the experienced gentlemen that he was, he had refrained from pushing the issue and raising the undeniable evidence of the dark rings under her eyes, he knew it would only insult her, and he knew from experience that this would would only result in a red handprint on his face. He would let it slide this time. He would hope that he had worn her out enough that she would, at some point, sleep.

When Tony next woke, the smell of freshly brewed coffee and eggs helped him to rise. He walked down the passage and into his kitchen. There she was, she was facing away from him but he could tell she was showered and dressed. She had made a concerted effort to look different from the way she had looked yesterday, clearly she didn't want to have to go through the walk of shame at work. She wore the same pants, but they were relatively generic so no one, especially the males they worked with would question her. Tops were what would give it away, she was wearing an old sweater he recognised from her leaving at his apartment weeks ago when they were watching The Green Mile. Only he couldn't see a stain on it. He'd remembered why he hadn't returned it to her, it must have falled off the arm of the couch and onto the floor, and when he had seen it, in bending over to pick it up, some of the creamy carbonara sauce of his dinner had spilled from his plate and onto the fabric. He had meant to wash it, or get it drycleaned before he returned it, but hadn't got around to it... but today there were on sight of it. Come to think of it, her pants didn't look dirty, he'd even go as far as saying they had been ironed.

He stepped back from the kitchen doorway and into the door directly across the passage way. The laundry looked clean and hanging on a hanger was the shirt she'd been wearing last night. Clean, dry and ironed. "Okay, crazy ninja chick!" he muttered to himself before returning to the kitchen.

"Arh, Ziva..."

"Good morning Tony."

"Yeah, good morning, hey, by any chance did you..." he paused, was it wise to bring up the laundry he didn't know how she'd react, and he didn't want to piss her off, after all she'd had no sleep, and he wasn't sure he should draw attention to that either.

"did I what?"

"Did you check those eggs before you cooked them, I don't remember when I bought them."

"Don't you think, that if I had cracked an egg that was off, I wouldn't be able to smell it?" She had a point, off egg was a rather unpleasant odour.

"Moving on..." he again muttered "So what's for breakfast?"

"Omelette with ham cheese and tomato."

"Great, I love ham cheese and tomato, but you didn't have to do this." He had wanted to crack a joke, the way he usually did with Ziva, some sort of zinger about, 'so is he special or does she make this for all her male friends after a special evening?' he was sure he would have worded his witty comment in such a way that made him sound like he would have been the best sexual partner she'd ever had, but thought better of it. Even if he would have love to hear it.

"I know I did not, but it doesn't mean I should not." The Toaster popped up 2 pieces of lightly cooked toast, and seconds later, 2 more. It hadn't surprised Ziva he had a 4 slice toaster, he'd probably used it regularly for morning guests.

"Well thank you." He walked around the island in the middle of the kitchen, opened the refrigerator and pulled out some butter and started to spread the yellow substance across the toast before placing them on the plates. It wasn't long before Ziva was putting the omelette on there also. He picked up the plates and laid them on the table, Ziva followed with two mugs, one full of coffee for him, and the other, a hot cup of tea for her.

"Tony what do you want me to say at work today?"

Oh God! What did he want her to say... Gibbs would have a fit if he knew they'd broken rule number 12. What was going to happen to them if they did come clean? Would they be split up? Would Gibbs fire one of them... because he had a feeling it would be him and not Ziva that would get the boot.

"Arh, what do YOU want to say?"

"I think you need to tell Gibbs everything."

"EVERYTHING?" he said astounded by her calmness at that suggestion.


End file.
